The first 15 days were a lot of fun to do. I was thinking about it first thing when I woke up, curious about what may happen today.
I'm not sure why I quit painting after 15 days.
I was distracted with work, a persistent cold/flu, and other concerns.
I feel like a failure.
During my earlier project to create one artwork per day for 111 straight days, I did so during the lockdown.
A time when there were few distractions or obligations. That was very satisfying and empowering, comparable to being in an artist's residence. Unrestricted freedom to work on my creations!
As an artist, I aspire to spend my time creating new things.
One of the reasons is that my mind takes over if I don't produce or work.
And that will result in feeling exhausted.
For this challenge, I chose a medium with which I am unfamiliar. Paint.
Because I like going out of my comfort zone. At least, I assumed I did, but possibly not since I stopped after 15 days.
It is more complicated than I expected. And that is interesting because it makes me want to understand it.
Maybe I need a time-out. Refocus. Preferably close to the sea or a forest. With none or not that many people. Or maybe a lot of people. And most importantly no additional obligations than creating and breathing, recharging and elevating myself.
I will pick it up again. Maybe even tonight. (said the procrastinator) And I will post again like nothing happened.
Being an artist is not easy. Maybe, even more, being a neurodiverse artist.
Because it's even more challenging to network, and the pressure to communicate and "pitch" yourself clearly, is a real pain in the a$$.
It sometimes feels like self-torture, but I'm fortunate to have a never-give-up attitude.
Everyone wants to focus on victories, and it's more acceptable to share only the good news and curate your achievements. I have to confess that it has had an impact on me. It's great to celebrate your triumphs, but as an artist, it might be lonely to see only the thriving successes online.
I fully understand that you should not compare and that social media may be toxic when you are not in a balanced mindset.
My personal trigger is feeling alone/excluded and doing something wrong/not good enough.
Which, as we all know, is a part of the whole.
Why do people prefer to disregard such sections? Are they embarrassed?
It is challenging to grow. No matter if you're 1 or 180.
Acceptance is key to making things easier to deal with. But all of these cliches are easier said than done.
Dear reader, If you recognise any of what I'm saying, please know that you are not alone.
Every new moment represents a fresh start.
What always gives me hope is this:
According to Nichiren Buddhism, "Honnin-Myo" (True cause) suggests that we shouldn't waste time and energy worrying about things we can't change in the past but rather focus on the actions we can take in the present to generate beneficial results in the future.
We don't have to wait until New Year's Day, next month, or even next week to set a goal or make a decision; we have to decide to sow positive seeds RIGHT NOW, IN THIS VERY MOMENT, and IN EVERY SECOND of our lives.
That is more vital than how or why you stopped. (Reminder to self)
In the meantime, here are some detail pics of my screen from the largest digital collage I've ever created!
A commission of 2.00 meters by 1.60 (79" x 63"inch)
More info soon!